Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
