My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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