You just made me feel so damn special
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
