Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize