it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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