My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize