i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
