hotel room ftw
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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