I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
