I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
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with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
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He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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