so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
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No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
My vagina is officially offended.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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