dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
