I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
