I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
