she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
