I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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