So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
operation have a gay friend backfired
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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