I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
