shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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