you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize