Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I could fuck to npr.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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