You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
