I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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