I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
