I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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