Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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