college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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