Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
