Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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