i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
