I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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