He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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