if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
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I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
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So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
You are the jesus of drinking
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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