My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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