Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize