Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
