Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
