I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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