My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
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i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
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I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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