I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
