my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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