Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
