My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
