Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
