All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
