I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
40s are totally the cure
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize
