Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
