the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
