his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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