We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
and she was petting her beer can
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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