I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
