you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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