Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
