Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
