there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
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