I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
