She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
