I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I think your dad took our porno
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
