don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
