So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
