I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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