im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Randomize
