at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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