Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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